Being Kind
Being kind. This is something taught to children over and over again. It is something that should probably be taught to adults too since this message often falls away after years of expectation, disappointment and negative experiences. But the one person who I am speaking to right now is myself. Being kind to others often comes easy. I’m not saying it doesn’t come with its own set of challenges but I can say I do not have a problem being kind to people. If it turns out they are not kind in return, I have learned to place the boundaries strategically to protect myself but still not out to do harm to others. And usually when I get to know somebody and feel a positive connection, being kind isn’t even a thought process but just comes easily. So why was it that applying this same philosophy so difficult when I am speaking about being kind to myself? If I apply the same concepts, I should be kind to myself, and in getting to my know myself it should not even be a thought process but come easily. I like myself so why was I unkind to myself at times? I often tell friends that they shouldn’t say anything to themselves they wouldn’t say to a friend. So why didn’t I take my own advice? And in reflecting deeply about it, I find that for so long I was living a life for somebody else, whether my parent, my (now ex-) husband, my children, my boss, and the list goes on and on. At what point do I stop living my life for others and begin living for my own self. Well that time happened —-and was slowly changing and was learning to be kind to myself. I would self criticize most things, a side effect of perfectionism, and had difficulties in recognizing my own successes. Being kind, to myself, was not one of my strengths. Finally, when everything was falling apart, I had to embrace that I had to learn to be kind to myself. After all, if I am not kind to myself, why should I expect others to be kind to me? Like many things I have written, this is not easy, takes time and had to become a habit. So the journey began on the road to self-kindness. The journey continues, a 180 turn around from just 11 years ago, recognizing when I am not being kind to myself and stopping to take a deep breath and refocus. Today I stand here, accepting I still have more growing to do to move to always being kind to myself- and so the journey of kindness continues. ~ChaCha
