On the One Hand ....
Being a parent is a gift, a challenge and an adventure. One one hand, to be entrusted with the life of another human being is an honor and scary all at the same time. On the other hand, to be aware of my own childhood and how to temper the ups and downs of it, and to not repeat it, is a emotional challenge for sure. And on the other hand (yes as a parent you have more than two hands to survive), supporting your children in their dreams and aspirations is an opportunity to be unselfish and loving in ways you never imagined. And sometimes all of those hands slap each other at the same time. The roller coaster of parenthood offers the opportunities of each hand playing its cards on any given day. Some days it's a single hand, other days it's juggling multiple hands. And some days I don't know what hand is showing up and other days I figure it out hours or days later which hand was in play. Today was a day where all hands were being played. I've been contemplating life a little more so than other days. I see my kids thinking for themselves, making a small snack without my help and getting ready for another school week. At this point, I'm feeling pretty good. Independent, confident kids. Hand one is in decent shape. As the day goes on, knowing they each have expressed their dreams and aspirations, I notice they are not moving and taking action in such direction. They speak of it a lot, but not seeing the getting up and going to do what they dream. And this leads to thinking about hand two. My own childhood. I rarely share some of those intimate details as I was raised to be strong, show few emotions and figure it out. I grew up independent and expected to care for others -- noting I am not one of the "others" and usually self care came last or at a high price. And in being realistic about myself, I realized my kids are doing what I often do. Talk about dreams and what I want to achieve but find ways to delay, reasons I'm not ready or something else to focus on to avoid the "action" part of those dreams. Hand two is showing its cards - not the best hand. So now comes the opportunity. Seeing hand one and hand two, I realized I am doing what my own experiences have been as a young person many years ago and see it repeating. And I have the opportunity to change it. And not just change it, but explain it, work on it openly, change it and set a new path for myself and as an example for my kids. So in a family meeting, I called myself out. Not in a mean or harmful way to myself but in an honest look at myself. I let my kids know of my own challenges, my hope for them and how things were going to change. Honestly, I surprised myself as much as I surprised my kids.Â
I am still learning. I am still growing. I am still changing. And I am far from perfect and letting my kids know this makes me human. Not mom nagging. Not mom working. Not mom hiding. I want them to know mom growing, mom vulnerable, mom changing and mom trying. Not only so they know life isn't perfect but also so they know someday will be an example to others and it's okay to be human. An extraordinary human with many hands. ~ChaChaÂ
