Fall or Jump?
Contemplating life, minding my own business, setting goals for the new year and just like that I fall again. Now I consider myself an intelligent human, aware of the "ins and outs" of life and the highs and lows of it too. And for some reason, I left myself fall into, more like "leap of faith" jump into the highs --even at the risk of a low following closely behind. In the past, I would be cautious, careful and not let on to any feelings. It was a safe place - insulated from the rest of the world of hurt and disappointment. And there, I could go about my day, no ups, no downs. Until one day I finally noticed - no ups, no downs. Flat. Boring. Uneventful. So the alternative option was to break down the wall, come out from behind my mask and feel the highs. Feel life to its fullest, take a risk of being hurt and leap. So if I fall or jump, whichever you'd describe the allowing myself be immersed in the emotional bath that goes with it. I remember on my terrible honeymoon, they gave the guest an opportunity to jump off a forty foot cliff. I was terrified. I was shaking all the way up the walkway. I thought I was going to get sick waiting my turn. It was my turn. Do I turn back or jump? I jumped. I fell for what seemed like an eternity before I hit the water. Mid fall, having to take another deep breath as the first one has run out, smack, I hit the water. Exhilarating and scary all at the same time. At that point I became alive. I did it. Whether the high feeling was for a few hour, days or months, it was a remarkable high. Over time I have managed the lows that sometimes follow. It wasn't easy at first but I have had to working on letting the lows be acknowledged but not enough to to take away or negate the high. Today the highs are there - a connection with an long ago friend, a compliment that brings me a smile, or a note of kindness - and I let myself jump into the emotional high. It means I'm alive. And if any low feelings come along afterwards, I've learned to catch it creeping in and turn to remember to have gratitude before any negative can settle in and jump back into feeling alive. ~ChaChaÂ
