Too Full of Hope
For many, I think having hope is an elusive feeling that is far from reach. And for others, hope is intertwined in their life almost to the point of strangling them. And for others, it is a balance of the two. I am far from the first or last description and while some feel a gift to be so integrated into a hopeful life, it can be strangling, crippling and downright difficult. I hope, no pun intended, to find that right balance. For so many "hope" is a gift, something to look forward to and cherish. A chance for something better down the road in the right time. And for people like me, I get so invested in people that hope overtakes my life. It takes over my thoughts, my feelings and my energy. Strangling hope is being able to see things as they are and be able to see when things are not right or going in the right direction. The kind of hope I have will take things as they are and make them better than they actually are. The good and hopeful things I tell myself to overlook flaws, hurt and negativity will always win with my rose colored glasses. And after more time goes on, and the less things fit the hopeful image I created in my mind, the harder it gets. It almost creates a pedestal that is set rather high which only makes the fall further down. So my first task here is to take off the rose colored glasses and begin to let myself see things as they are. Shut down the wishful thinking, shut down the making things better than they are. Realistic vision is the way to go to find the right balance of hope. Time to get real. Strangling hope takes over my feelings since it feels so much better than the alternative. It feels better than feeling blue, sad or rejected at times. So feeling an immense amount of hope somehow will override the other feelings but like the previous pedestal, the fall of feelings leads to a broken heart. I take full responsibility for allowing myself to feel so much. I would be labeled an emotive or empath as I take in so much emotion and even sometimes the emotions of others and carry in my little pack on my shoulders. Never asked to carry those, and certainly never asked to wrap them up in hope, but it's just what I do. My first step here it's to stop carrying other's emotions and allow myself to feel both the hope and the rejection. Its okay. And if I break or fall apart, I will be put back together, hope will see to it. Time to get real. Strangling hope makes me give away all my good energy. I want others to feel the hope and see a positive and bright future - that really is true, and yet I give away all my energy that I rarely have enough for myself, so I rely on the crutch of strangling hope to keep me afloat. And I know I give away my energy - some are more direct about taking it and others give me their stories and I give away my energy in return. I know that I need to become more mindful, or shall I say go back to being more mindful, when those energy stealers come around. I need to give myself my energy and with that, I will be able to see the energy fields again and find the balance. Right energy balance means right hope balance. Time to get real. One of my goals for this week is to work on my balance of hope. Hope is a precious gift, that I truly believe, and I also believe there needs to be a right balance. In writing this, I see that instead of immersing myself in strangling hope when speaking to folks who can't see it within reach, I really should stay balances and help others see what is possible. I can't carry others emotions with hope they find their own hope but I can try to give a some energy, by my choice, to help others see the possibility of hope. It's time to get real, with myself, and find the right balance of hope to steady my own self. Hopefully! ~ChaChaÂ
