Rock bottom? The only way to go is Up!

So today feels like rock bottom. I would love to say I've only had one of these but in fact I have had many. And I am not foolish enough to to believe I won't have any more. I'm enough of a realist to know that in life there are cycles of ups and downs. An while down here, I will not stay here. The only place to go is up. So after a tremendous fight with the man that I love and saying some terrible things I know I can't take back but only ask for forgiveness, I am at rock bottom. I selected a kids moving figuring it would help me take my mind off of things and cheer me up. Who knew I would not only relive many of my rock bottom moments but realize from each character, and like each character, I won't stay at rock bottom forever. Like their character who it trying to fulfill his fathers dream, I too faced a tough decision years ago to fulfill what I wanted to what my parent wanted. I chose what my parent wanted and while not completely, generally that path - far from my own. I thought if I chose what my parent wanted, that would make them proud. Now don't get me wrong, this path has provided for me and my family, but my dream of my path remains. But I didn't stay rock bottom and will get there, it's just a long road up. Like the character who is the overworked and under appreciated mom, I too feel that at moments myself. Sometimes letting myself drag down to the bottom and realized I don't have the energy to do some of the things I want to do because I put my family first. Striking the right balance isn't the easiest thing to do especially for me and rarely get it right but there is only one place to go, up. I will not give up. Like the character who had a fight with her guy and broke up, I too feel like no matter how hard I try to help my significant other, it will never be enough. I understand he had an unfulfilled upbringing but it was more than so many in this world have. And while I see it, I know I can never make him see it. And pray one day he can find a good in it. I understand my family foundation appears as there is nothing ever wrong & solid but struggles exist- I've been broken many times, my place in the family not feeling comfortable and our family hit rock bottom many times with troubles, addiction, loss of family and death but we/I made choices to keep living our life and not staying there. And my path from the downs to the ups main component was/is forgiveness. Like the character who try to fool folks into thinking he had more than he did, I too feel like I will put on my mask of happiness, even when I'm not, I will smile for others, even when I feel a frown inside and I will make things be okay, even when they are chaotic inside. And there will be times I will still keep the mask on not to fool anyone but to not infect others with my negativity. I will do my best to bring the positive energy to lift others and often in turn lifts me up from feeling down. Energy begets energy. Like the character with a hidden talent to achieve the dream, I too know my talents will help me reach my dreams. The fear of failure is all too much in the forefront of my mind. It can be a powerful thing and when I'm spending so much time worrying about the failure, I spend too much time in the rock bottom and not where I should be. So much time thinking about the fear, you forget about the possibility of success in the dream! The option of up. I have some work to do. And finally like the character who did make his dream come true to only fall apart brick by brick down to pile of rubble only to find a new dream and vision, I too am trying to look at the paths I've taken that I had put so much stake in only to have fail and fall flat on my face with the same lens. I spent a lot of time rock bottom until I realized that wasn't that original dream I had wasn't meant for me. Realizing another dream is meant for me means I need to focus on those new dreams, find forgiveness of myself and others and have faith that time on the bottom is only temporary and my Creator's plan for me is UP.