Wishful Changing
I think we all know that we cannot change people unless they want to change. And when you see somebody on the negative path of life - especially when it’s somebody your care about or love, it is even more difficult to hold on to what you know is true. You can’t change people.
I think many people who are lending the hand in life to people who need help often want the person in need to change. And sometimes even enables the negative path or thinking without even knowing it or intending.
How many times has somebody complained about something or somebody in hopes of finding an ally, somebody to commiserate? And you say “Oh, you’re so right.” How many times have you not agreed but didn’t want to hurt their feelings so you supported them -even when you know it’s negative thinking like “Life is unfair-why is the world against you?” How many times has somebody said they want to change so you will hang on just a bit longer? They will say “I know you’re right & I promise to do better.” You know they can if they try a little harder and that phrase keeps you hanging on a bit longer.
I know I responded “umm -yes!” to the questions posed above in my interactions multiple times with multiple people over my years. And even after years of experience I still find myself falling into the enabling mode without even realizing it.
And at the same time I am also recognizing it much sooner in conversation and catching myself. When I do, I have to tell myself I can’t change this person’s thought process but I can say “Life’s not fair and yet you will overcome -let’s try this....” or “Yep, such -n-such can be a jerk but kill them with kindness” or “Maybe they have something happening in their own life - just let it roll off”. There is something I can do to try to shift to a positive energy.
Having a family member recently pass as a result of her long time addiction to alcohol & modern medicine’s love affair with prescriptions, I am running through years & years of wishing for the change, praying for the change, doing part of the change for her to get her started, and tricking myself into believing when she said she would change. And in the end - all I could do is as to try to show her that change from negativity is possible. Be an example of a different way even if I knew it may frustrate her or she may hate me because she just couldn’t change. And in the end I had to send her support and prayers from a distance because to be too close to the negative emotions was drowning. Even sending a text to her here & there to know she is loved, she can always start over, she has a family who loves her. But I never gave up sharing positive thoughts.
And so, I have hope. As much as I wanted her to change she just couldn’t. But that doesn’t mean the next person can’t. It doesn’t mean stopping negative situations will go unrecognized. It doesn’t mean all is hopeless. Why? Because this experience gave me courage to share this story in hopes it would give you or another person strength to keep trying. To keep sharing positive thoughts & energy. To recognize negativity & put your foot down. And have th courage to show a different positive way. And while it’s true you can’t change people, you can try to change situations, change conversations, change energy and give a glimpse of what could be and hold onto wishful changing. ~ChaCha
